Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
