Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
