david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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