sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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