Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
