They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
