just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
