You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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