so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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