i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
