i already hear my dad disowning me
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
