I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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