At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
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