By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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