he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
