The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
