I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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