so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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