if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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