Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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