Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
