Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
