Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
