Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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