why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
