My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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