Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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