Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
