The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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