I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Damn victory sex feels great
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
