She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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