I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
