Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
