1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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