she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
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