so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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