Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
