it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
MIDGETS
????
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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