I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
