Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
