I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
