I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
