where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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