If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
