i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
