I've blown a few things in my day
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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