She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
