dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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