I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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