paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
