dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
