No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
