i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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