My nipple is on Facebook.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
